Fitting IN

Stop trying to fit in and allow yourself to grow out or into whatever you are going through in life. Over the years its become very clear to me that the more I try to fit in the more i lose myself and in the end the more I lost out on the things that God had in his plans for me. Plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future. For a long time I've hidden a lot of myself that wasn't necessarily bad or evil but in the eyes of many seemed wrong or disrespectful to do or to look like.

Now, this is a very sensitive topic because growing up in a christian home as I've mention and will always mention in my life story PENTECOSTAL and EVANGELICAL as things can get, we grew up submerged in doctrine, something i will forever be grateful for because as cliche as it sound being-rooted-and-grounded-is-the-best-way-to-be may be it's an absolute truth! my upbringings and all my bible and God knowledge comes from the very thing I saw when I saw this pic...

Many times we grow up in church seeing, hearing, acting, and speaking as we are taught, and thats a great thing BUT we have to LEARN that the relationship that our parents/grandparents/aunts/uncles/sisters/brothers and every one, relative or not have with God and the way he speaks to every person will NOT be that same way he speaks to you. We have to learn how to form our own one on one relationship with the father because guess what? My pastors messages may be good, my sisters leading worship may elevate me to the 7th heaven but at the end of the day- I may cry and moan in Gods presence because granted he is just that good at touching hearts, if my relationship with him isn't being perfected the way I try to right my wrongs with my husband after I mess up, its ALL in vain.

Soo, for years I would dress the way I wanted to Jeans, sneaks, showing off skin you know the I'm young and free way- I didn't care about what people thought or how it made my mother feel knowing the rules we grew up under. (I've always been big on fashion) my love for makeup is through the roof! so of course makeup and jewelry. I pierced my ears for the first time when I was 16, hid it from my mom, wearing my hair down and crying on the inside when it got tangled on the back piece of my earrings lol... I wasn't really into church like that (I had a few rebel years) I was doing things my way and I think in part it had so much to do with the fact that these rules that I've lived under all my life in church, I just didn't understand. I feel a lot of people in church (those that just follow) live their lives this way not really understanding the why- specially youth. A recent poll showed that nearly 70% of youths that grown up in church drop church like a burning cole during the late years of junior high and high school, mainly attending church because of their parents and until they can make a choice of their own, some continue to go only to occupy a seat in church with their minds occupied on everything else. The faithful 30% that remain i can guarantee you had a closer relationship with God than those that were easily influenced into doing otherwise.

I asked myself why? only after years of returning to church as an adult with a family of my own, was it because i tried fitting in and soon missed my fin and the life of a mermaid instead of walking everywhere OR was it the other way around, was i trying to fit in to the churches customs and doctrines for so long that i decided to wish for legs and practice walking on two feet because i grew tired of the same redundancy of "looking" christian.

I can answer that now, I strengthened the relationship that I once thought lost with God and contrary to believe and the things you hear some people say about questioning God, I questioned my creator, the way Job did, I had questions and I knew he had all the right answers. I spoke to him: Show me what I'm doing wrong, teach me to let go of the things that are of no spiritual value in my life, allow me to see myself through your eyes and God if there is something in me that you don't like, take it from me. I don't want to simply fit in, you didn't make me that way. You made me special, you selected me before the foundation of the earth was created. You gave me talent, beauty, wit AND style and honestly God i want to please you before all else and in all i do, you know my heart, I don't want to put anything before you and I don't want anything or anyone to stop my blessings from coming. SPEAK TO ME.

And he did..He allowed me to get rid of all the ugly things in my life that weren't acceptable. For the first time in my life and after many, many ups and downs as a christian, the foundation of my relationship with God was piecing itself together, although things were still the same in church, the doctrines the acceptable and unacceptable rights and wrongs, I was in a new high and in love with my God and ministry like never before- so when the changes came, the changes came! Because of my way of dressing and the exposure of contradiction to the believes of what my pastors and ministers viewed as the way we should do things, that which I was not exemplifying for my church, I was not allowed to continue participating in leadership unless I conformed to fitting in. Now, I wholeheartedly believe in having standards set and falling in line under my superiors and as I said in the begining, God speaks to us all in different ways and what applies to me may not necessarily be what applies to you. THIS change was for more than a dress code and material things like makeup and jewelry, but I know that God allowed me the chance to grow into his plans for a reason, had things not changed I would've been bitter and possibly consumed with anger at the thought of having to sit down or fit in to something I did not agree with.

So here I am i sowed my- no, I prayed for my mermaid fin back, after trying so hard to walk in the happiness of others and the look that was acceptable as a chid of God to some, I began to swim again and I am experimenting God in ways i never had before . I grew, I made whole my relationship with him I'm happy and excited for all God has in store for me and my family. I'm settling in to a new chapter in my life, whether he has me here to learn from or live from. This time God is leading the way! Don't conform to fitting in, let him mold you, for he has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. THE FUTURE LOOKS BRIGHT! :)

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Tampa,FL